The India that I fell in love with is no longer the same.
By Malini Sekhar
WASHINGTON, DC: Despite stress-induced eating and night terrors at the prospect of taking my spirited (read: loud) toddler on the looong plane ride to the motherland from Washington, DC. I was also super excited to introduce him to one of my first loves.
I think I fell in love with India on the first trip that I could remember there to visit the rest of my family almost 30 years ago. I couldn’t wait to show my son the bustle-less village in Kerala where my mom grew up, where you could peer cautiously into a deep well, take baths in a space with the most natural sky light there is, and chase chickens around the yard or in my case, sprint away from the rooster chasing you.
It had been six years, and I was dying to see that brilliant hue of green that only a rice paddy could offer the already vibrant countryside. As you can tell, I could go on and on. Yet, it turned out that I was in for a bit of an awakening when I got there.
Actually, let me back up and say it’s a very different experience to visit India when you are responsible for someone other than yourself. I should have known that the privilege of boarding the plane first with a small child is no longer valid when going to India primarily because everyone has a small child even if they don’t.
This general unspoken vibe also continued when we got there. I’ll give you an example. We went to the zoo in Thiruvanathanapuram and while there, I learned that peacocks behind bars inspire so much excitement and passion, that people will shove tentative toddlers aside. It was at that time that I decided that being a hovering mother was better. I also finally internalized the resilience required by Gandhi’s non-violent approach.
Meanwhile, en route via car to visit family up north, we blinked a few times and totally missed the paddy fields AND beautiful backwaters. Doh! I even excitedly told my son we would take him to the “beach and ocean,” which in this case was the sand and river near the famous Aluva temple. But when my mom went to dip him in the “ocean,” a few empty boxes swam by beneath a darker patch of water. We quickly decided against the dip and told him the ocean went to sleep.
Don’t get me wrong. There were still some priceless warm and fuzzies, like being surrounded by the love and familiarity of dear friends and family, a few untouched natural beauties and ridiculously good, coma-inducing food. The weather there versus the winter months here really wins out…hands down. And of course, I can’t describe the awesomeness of being in a place where there is no need to correct the pronunciation of my son’s name (he even has a TV channel there!).
I also realized that the India that I fell in love with as a wee lass, the India I longed to show my son, is no longer the same. Perhaps this is how my parents feel. On second thought, I don’t think they mind, or will put up with it as long as the cost of spending retirement months there doesn’t change.
I guess like any long-distance relationship, things change. Some changes are great. Others, not so much. I am overjoyed to see the growing economic prosperity there but selfishly, I also wish they could skip some crap fast food, TV phases. Go straight organic guys! It sucks to go back later, realizing you had it right the whole time. I know they taste good but the fries aren’t worth it! Maybe they are…
Anyway, thirty years was a good run. I would of course love to go back again soon at a frequency that would still maintain my sanity with a small child on a plane, or keep us off the “no fly with toddler,” list. But I guess like any relationship, we are going to have to take the time to get to know each other again, and see if the spark is still there. Especially as the crows feet and love handles are now settling in for both of us.
(Malini Sekhar is the co-founder of the children’s book series, ‘The Little Loka Series’.)
To contact the author, email to editor@americanbazaaronline.com