Rajkumar won hearts by singing Bollywood song, claiming to like kissing.
By Raif Karerat
WASHINGTON, DC: Five men competed for the honors in the “The Smallest Penis in Brooklyn” Pageant last Saturday, “confident in their skin and content with their shortcomings,” according to The Observer.
A mostly female crowd attended the three-hour event, in which two prior contestants returned to compete for the $500 grand prize. Last year’s winner, an Indian American, did not make a follow-up appearance.
The man known as Rajkumar instantly won the crowd’s and judges’ hearts last year by singing and dancing to an Indian song and telling the crowd he liked “kissing” in bed, reported The Gothamist.
“I lost last year by the smallest margin,” Taylor, competing under the name Puzzlemaster, told The Observer. “But I think after last year it just helped me with my body image. A big confidence boost.”
The five judges, all female comedians or sex writers, save for one man in a Chewbacca costume, were not shy in speaking to the pageant’s true significance.
“Size has something to do with it, but it’s also tenacity, fervor, excitement,” said judge Krystyna Hutchinson, host of the anti slut-shaming podcast Guys We Fucked. “You could have a tiny dick and be a craftsman with your finger or your tongue. It doesn’t matter.”
The competition was broken into three sections. The style portion involved contestants striking poses in black underwear that had translucent viewing windows at the crotches. The swimwear portion, dubbed “cocksplash,” encouraged members in the audience to shoot water at contestants from tiny squirt guns.
But it was the talent portion of the evening that was most revelatory. Contestant Chino Loco did a striptease out of a Star Wars stormtrooper costume, comically struggling at times to remove pieces of armor. Rip Van Dinkle, by far the oldest contestant, read a poem about how proud he was to be a baby boomer before flashing the audience.
When newcomer The Gentleman read a poem he wrote, the MC, a drag queen named Chicken Bitches deadpanned, “See? You can do something with that literature degree.”
Puzzlemaster took first prize, an apt reward for his perseverance. When The Observer asked what he’d be doing with his winnings, he replied: “I’m going to give it to my kid. I’ve got a kid on the way.”
1 Comment
This guy isn’t Indian, he is a brahmin monkey, just like the tiny penis white men, they’re all the same garbage haplgroups, Indians aren’t a race, asswipe, and the average Indian from India is 5.54 inches, the average white is 4.8 inches like the Greeks and Italians.