A calculated way to find that perfect life partner.
By Deepak Chitnis
WASHINGTON, DC: For many first and second-generation Indian Americans, the prospect of dating can seem daunting, if not completely alien. The Indian culture itself has never been one that subscribed to notions of getting to know a person before settling down with them, despite what Bollywood may say, and that can make it tough for someone entering the dating scene for the first time.
That’s where Jasbina Ahluwalia comes in. Ahluwalia is the founder of Intersections Match, a service that helps desis find and meet other Indian-origin singles in the US, with the ultimate goal of finding someone they can call their life partner. Ahluwalia, who is based in California, started the company in March of 2007, and knows what it’s like to be told not to date, to focus on your education and career, and then suddenly be confronted with the prospect of marriage in your 20s.
“I didn’t date. Instead, I focused on my career and everything else except dating,” she says on her website, intersectionsmatch.com. So, in my late 20s, I found myself single. With no interest in an arranged marriage and no clear path to that ‘special friend,’ how was I to find someone with whom I could share my life?”
Ahluwalia’s background is in law, which she practiced in Chicago and San Francisco, the latter of which is her current base. She earned her B.A. and M.A. from Vanderbilt University, and her J.D. from the University of Michigan Law School. Now, she’s committed herself full-time to Intersections Match, which gives her a unique perspective into the dating scene for millennial desis in the US.
“Our clients have a wide age range, they can be anywhere from their 20s to even in their 60s,” Ahluwalia explained in an interview to The American Bazaar. “They’re both men and women, and most of them are coming to us for their first time around, meaning that they haven’t been married yet and are looking for their potential life partner.”
Ahluwalia and her company offer two main avenues of service for their clients: matchmaking, and online dating support. But first, Ahluwalia sits down with each potential client for a 90-minute consultation, which Ahluwalia calls a “Re-invent Your Love Life” consultation, in order to truly assess who each individual, is and what kind of person would be their best match.
“We ask questions that other places wouldn’t typically ask, but which I feel give a much better insight into who a client is,” said Ahluwalia. “We get an idea of who this person is, what their background is, what their goals are, what are their priorities. An example of a question I might ask is something like ‘What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?’”
Dating history is something that Ahluwalia says is “all over the map” for her clients. As Indian families in the US continue to age, some hold on to their roots more than others, and Ahluwalia sees clients who have dated and been dejected by the experience, to others who have not yet dated even once.
“There are people who haven’t dated because they’ve kind of been raised that way, and there are others who have a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy with their families, in that they’re doing what they’re doing, and their parents don’t really know, or don’t really even care to know,” said Ahluwalia.
The biggest difference between generations, says Ahluwalia, is simply time.
“Time allows people to get to know each other, and lets that compatibility between two people really grow,” she explained. “With older generations, it was less about whether or not two people were compatible, and more about bio-data and things like that. A couple only met once or twice before getting married, and that’s just not enough time to really figure things out.”
Once the screening process is completed – which includes not only the aforementioned consultation, but a full background check, too – Ahluwalia and her company goes through the process of screening potential matches in order to save the client the time of going through all this themselves.
That’s part of the reason for Intersections Match – to help mitigate the time-consuming nature of the dating scene, as many of Ahluwalia’s clients are young professionals who simply don’t have the time to be going out, or just don’t have time outside of their careers to meet new people.
“Intersections Match clients tend to lead very full lives, and are seeking someone special with whom to share their lives. Intersections Match clients also tend to be selective, attractive, and well-educated,” says the company’s website.
While the service is geared exclusively towards Indian Americans, Intersections Match does not shy away from introducing its clients to non-Indian matches if they feel that the potential exists for a long-lasting relationship. At the end of the day, says Ahluwalia, it’s about finding someone you can spend the rest of your life with.
“There’s a mentality with a lot of clients I work with, where they think that just because someone comes from the same part of India, or is the same religion, or studied the same thing, or whatever it may be, that they must think alike and therefore be a perfect match,” said Ahluwalia. “I just don’t believe that.”
“I just believe that there are a lot of exceptions to that. Not all Hindus are the same, not all Muslims are the same, not all Gujaratis and Punjabis and whatever have you are the same. People tend to make assumptions about behavior based on these things, and that’s what we like to stay away from. We like to introduce people to potential matches that they may not have ever even considered, and a lot of times that turns out to be successful,” she said.
For desis currently trying to break into the dating scene, it’s good to know that as difficult as that may seem, there is help out there for those who need it. Shaadi.com and matrimonial services – not to mention the arranged marriages hooked up by parents, handing out pictures of brides like baseball cards – aren’t the only routes that Indians in America need to take to find their one and only.
2 Comments
very good article, and i believe you are touching a lot of desi community.
why not start a simple matrimonial column, much simpler then the expensive matrimonial indian sites.
i have lived 11 years in usa. i have a daughter, and i want her to be married in usa. that is why, i am suggesting.
ashok goel
vivek vihar delhi
richmond.intel@gmail.com
very good article, and i believe you are touching a lot of desi community.
why not start a simple matrimonial column, much simpler then the expensive matrimonial indian sites.
i have lived 11 years in usa. i have a daughter, and i want her to be married in usa. that is why, i am suggesting.
ashok goel
vivek vihar delhi
richmond.intel@gmail.com