Manas Ray’s poem is about a living nightmare, but he also finds hope in recovery and appreciation
With at least a dozen friends and members of his extended family in India, including his mother, Bandana, infected by Covid since April 2020, Manas Ray expressed his anguish through a poem.
“It’s very hard on me because I’m so far away from them and cannot help,” the Massachusetts-based Indian American biochemist who left India 33 years ago, told NPR Morning Edition.
Even as Covid cases are coming down now, reports earlier this spring from about the devastation wrought by the deadly second wave in distant India, made the pandemic feel like a nightmare to him.
So Ray, who last visited India in 2019, wrote a poem about it as part of a recent NPR poetry callout that prompted readers with the words “Still, I Rise” from a Maya Angelou poem.
“I walked through a long nightmare” is how Ray starts off his submission, but he also finds hope in recovery and appreciation says
the Morning Edition which invited him to read an excerpt on air.
The poem relates the drama of getting news from India of relatives, including his 83-year-old mother, Bandana, struggling to function in a health system under collapse. Coveted oxygen cylinders, for example, were useless without a neighbor who knew how to set them up, NPR said.
Ray’s brother, Kajal, and and his twin daughters, Puja and Lija, and a nurse have helped care for Bandana in Bardhaman, India.
“Praying From A Distance” is Ray’s first poem written in English. He says he frequently writes poems and songs in Bengali.
“Praying From A Distance”
I walked through a long nightmare
Has my journey seen the light of day?
I am not sure.
But, still I rise!
The first wave passed the world
Affecting us all
It has taken away my friend
It has decimated some neighborhood
There were no vaccines,
There were no perfect pill
We suffered one and all
But, still we rose!
Then came the variants
The double mutants
The Indian variant, they called it!
When people were relatively relaxed
After a year of lockdown
The vaccines are here in USA
Some have taken it
Some were not so sure.
I am vaccinated with both doses
I am safe!
All of a sudden
Everyone hears about someone infected
I get news – bad news – every day from India, Kolkata
From my small town, Bardhaman
From my friends
From my family
My cousin called from Ranchi, Jharkhand
His mom, my aunt, is infected
She’s not talking
She expired quickly
Then again my uncle, her husband,
he’s taken ill
Saturation down, down to 65
They needed hospital support
None were available
They’re desperate to have oxygen
They didn’t find one!
My uncle gasped for 24 hrs without oxygen
When they got a cylinder
It was too late.
He’s too weak to be even helped
Oxygen saturation didn’t go up above 85
On 13th day my uncle joined my aunt
Leaving us behind
I can’t think anymore
I need to breathe
I need support
But, still I need to rise.
Then came news my mom is infected
It was devastating
From 8,000 miles what could I do to help
My niece left her work and came to her help
She didn’t get her vaccines yet
It was not available for her
She’s not even 30
And here I am with 2 doses of vaccines
Living in a safe haven
But I can’t help!
What I can do to help my mom
How I can guard my niece from infection
First week went by with fever, body aches and diarrhea
There’s no help available outside
Hospitals are open but no doctor,
Clinics are open, but no nurse
Those who taken the loved ones there
They had to attend themselves
This I hear
We cannot sent Ma to any clinic or any hospital now
She may not come back!
It’s eighth day
Is Ma doing well
Yes, she is better.
I went to bed with some relief
Then a call came in the midnight
She’s in convulsion
Her oxygen level went down to 50!
WE NEED OXYGEN IMMEDIATELY
Who can help
A neighbor came as a life-saver
With a cylinder of oxygen
a technician helped setting it up
My mom’s oxygen level went up to 90
She’s OK, she’s OK
She’s still here
She’s with us
Next 48 hrs one cylinder after another
Became her life and death.
She still can’t walk
Saturation level goes down if she tries
But she’s living.
So I see hope
So I see light
Then my niece got infected.
But still, I Rise.
I see the world
Where air is purer
The blue sky is little more brighter
Our neighborhood is cleaner
Our children are safer
Seniors are healthier
And friends are out of danger
My mom can walk again without
This is what I pray for
This is what I wish for all.